Day whatever - more thoughts

Since I am home alone and trying not to eat I am surfing the net. I could go outside but instead I am reading posts about sneaking food. I am the mo st guilt ridden when I sneak food. I can remember going into the pantry as a kid and sneaking all the crunchy-covered raisins out of the crunchy-covered-raisin-bran. I remember soaking a corner of a paper towel in vinegar. What does that mean? And so instead of eating pickles I would get the vinegar flavor. This has to have been like Jr. High. Where in the world did I get the idea that food was something to sneak? Nevermind. Just carry on. Right? Anyway some of the people I'm reading are talking about being ashamed even as early as age 6 of eating. I do remember really always wanting the biggest cookie.

There are coconutty Mexican marshmallow cookies in my pantry right this very second nagging at me to come eat a tube of six of those stupid things. I bought them at the store with the boys when we were searching all over WalMart for Moon Pies they insisted they needed for our First Day of Summer Party which they were only kidding about having, because they ate the dang Moon Pies in the car on the way home.
I could go outside and check the mail.
I am starting to feel sort of weird about this particular post.
Here is the thing.
I don't think I have a healthy relationship with food. This is not a new revelation. I don't have a great frame of mind about much at all right now.
The other thing: I charted everything I ate today and I'm actually on the low end of what I guess I'm supposed to eat, calorie wise. Even afer I ate the stupid cookies.