like the applique shirt!
They can't wear that to their dad's house for fear it will be lost forever. Like the red dressy plaid shirt we used to have that matched the other brother's blue dressy plaid shirt. It's gone forever.
Yes I police the main clothes on Monday mornings. But it's a pain in the ass! They roll their eyes and for some reason I'm the bad guy because I can't trust that anything nice they wear will come back. What comes to my house on their little bony backs are clothes I've never even seen before. Nasty ripped white teeshirts with strange oily stains that say "Birmingham Children's Choral Theatre" in dull rainbow loopy letters. And I have no idea where that came from! And then they want to wear that to school every day for a week. It's the ugliest thing on the planet, so it must be the absolute favorite. It must!
And I can picture their teachers thinking, squinting, what-the-hell-is-that-mom-thinking? And I want to send precautionary e-mails saying "NO! It wasn't me! I would never dress my children in their grandpa's oversized carwash tee's. I have no control over what happens where-ever they ended up the night before last!"
((((and I say night before last, because obviously they wore that to bed night before last, and to school, and then to bed last night and school, and then I picked them up at school...and you know why I know this? Because they try it at my house too... I know that little boy trick! Hey, lets see how many days in a row we can wear these clothes! I was hanging out with this kid one summer and he totally said that to his friends, "Hey, I've been wearing these same underwear for five days straight! They have that ball stink!"))))
Why am I so uptight about socks? Well, the same reason we're all supposed to wear nice underwear! I mean seriously, what if we have to go to the hospital? What kind of mom puts her kids in crappy gray socks with holes in them? I guess that's not fair for me to ask. Some moms may not have a choice. But still! Those moms with no choice should consider this. They will be judged by people who aren't as forgiving as I am.
I judge myself and I didn't even put them in those socks! They did it themselves because they had no other choice at Dad's House of Crappy Socks Emporium. They weren't even at my house, but somehow it seems unjust that children should be forced to wear worn out crappy socks. Little feet deserve comfort!
I've thought of throwing out every crap sock that comes through my door. You know what happens then? I'm instantly the bad guy oppressing their Dad's poor pitiful sock choices. "It's not Dad's Fault!" they shriek, "He Paid for these socks! You're throwing away his Money!"
No. Little Dude. He totally found these socks in a dumpster. They have holes in them. If he wanted to keep these golden prize holy socks, he should have never sent them to my house on your feet. I'm throwing them away.
Will that work? I mean if I begin to throw away every wretched worn out sock he sends my way, eventually the crap will be gone right? Or will he go to Goodwill or something and purchase Bale-o-Rags and sift thru for little rags resembling socks and just throw that into the mix for a good laugh? Here kid, shove this in your shoe and let me know if your mom blows smoke out her ears when she sees that tonight.
If I blow this out of proportion, and get even one laugh, all will not be lost.
3 comments:
I laughed, hard.
I totally get the nice sock deal. Heck my son had some sort of weird sock fetish where he would deem socks "unworthy" and throw them away himself. Just for the transgression of feeling uncomfortable.
I feel your pain although I may want to go to House of Crappy Socks Emporium and see if I can find any good stuff.
My oldest is like that! Totally will not wear a thing that is unworthy. Plus, one day when he was about 5 I was helping him clean his room and gave him permission to throw out whatever was broken-ish or he no longer wanted. So now at age 14 he just fills up the garbage bag with whatever's on the floor, no matter what it is, and out it goes if I'm not careful.
Just throw them all out except one pair. When they put out their clothes the night before for the morning, place their daddysocks with that outfit. And by throw them all out, I mean take them to a shelter or cut their toes out and use them for dusting after you bleach the heck out of them.
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