real estate or How Bizarro World Keeps Getting Worse

I got an email urging me to consider a career in real estate.

The way the teaching profession is going, I wonder if that's an omen.

The teachers around here, from what I hear, are upset about legislation or new rules or ideas about making every teacher just get a flat $50,000/year. Even the ones who have worked their way up to making more and only have a little while left till retirement.

Frankly, I could live on less than that, so really I'd be glad to have their jobs.

I subbed today on a fluke. My friend wants me to sub around Thanksgiving break for her and we were talking about the subject of how I haven't worked in a week. She said her school was crawling with subs and therefore I should be working. I asked her how a different friend was getting so many jobs. The other friend was in a school this morning during a Sub Shortage and urged the office to give me a call. They called, I was so happy. Rushed but happy. Subsequent Stressfully Stinky Armpits, but happy. I rushed us all to our respective schools. I got across town 30 min. late for the beginning of the school day but thankfully a.) there was an assembly b.) it was special ed and "I" was co-teaching first period.

One of the guy teachers decided he wanted to help me so he printed off the schedule (shortened class periods because of the assembly) and called me "good lookin'" which I'm sure wasn't all that appropriate considering he totally does not know me.

Usually the regular teachers look at you (well, me, not you) and say, "Who are you today?" which is equally off-putting and inspiring. As if I could be anyone today I want to be.

Today I'm the president.
Yesterday I was a science teacher.
Today I'm a creepy clown.

No just kidding that's not me.

I don't necessarily know the person I'm subbing for, so if you ask me that question you might see my brain do some contortions trying to remember "who I am" today. Names don't always come back to me, but faces always do. I noticed recently I have been fidgeting more like putting my hands on my face or ears when people I don't know ask me questions and I'm not sure of the answers. I need to stop that. It's not on purpose but it is weird and I'm trying to look normal here.

The other thing they say is, "Go away, go have a coffee, you don't need to stay for this."
Like I could find a decent coffee in a middle school?
Note to self: check out new library books, slim interesting paperbacks that take up small amounts of space and weigh very little preferred

"You can go!" they say, "She doesn't stay for this period. Go enjoy yourself!"
What exactly would I rather be doing than a science lab? They're dissolving blue crystals of Copper II carbonate and filtering it back out of the water with a tiny little hand-folded coffee filter!
No, I'm staying.

They don't know me.

Okay so the big news with me subbing finally: I had an error in my file which caused me to be blocked and therefore I was not seeing any available jobs.

Blocked, I tell you.

Know how I found out? Because that is what floored me, I don't know how otherwise I would have found out. I would have waited and waited because I didn't know there was a problem and I wouldn't have wished to bother the busy busy lady with my non-problem I didn't know I had. I would have been sitting despondent on my couch, looking at the website, which I could still log-in as myself, I could still see my old jobs and the one I have scheduled for Dec. 1. And never would have I known I was blocked. I got blocked because when I brought in my form with my physical, Before the Deadline Mind You, whoever was in charge of it (I'm imagining how this happened) didn't input my info into my digital file. But the blockage only became evident this morning around 7:30 when they called me back and said "Lauren, we can't put you in as the sub, did you mark that you don't want to sub for Middle Schools?"
No. I love middle school are you nuts? That's like Lauren utopia.
So I got there.
Okay I've got her on the phone, here she is to explain why we can't input you.
Lauren, you are blocked as of October (twentysomething) because you did not bring back your physical from the doctor.
Rats! Yes I did! I got it to your office before the 30 day deadline. I had 30 days and I brought it to you.
Duh.

Tonight J. didn't feel so great. He thought he had the stupid car sold (long long story too boring to print) except it broke down before the buyer could get it out of town so he brought it to a pick & pull your own parts place. So he is pouting at his own house.

Fine.

Lame.

He doesn't know me either. I need him around. I've repeatedly dropped candy wrappers just next to the garbage can. Only because the static electricity forced them to cling to my fingers, which limited the trajectory as I attempted to hit the target. If he were here I would be more motivated to lean that tiny bit further and actually get them in the can.

Bleh. So fine. Be that way.

Mr. C has started to trace his hand on any type of paper and draw in the details. I think it is so cute. His arm really is that skinny too.

What would happen if I quit eating Whoppers candy and just went to bed at 7:30 PM? Oh whoops it is 8 now. The world will never know.