just write

The high school student poetry reciting talent show MC girl said to her classmates, just write. Write when your heart is breaking. Write when you are happy, write when you don't know what to say. Just write. Because it is yours.

She was a good girl.

I think the people I'm dealing with are sad.

I think sometimes little kids are the cure for the blues. I held the sweetest tiny little baby the other day, and she smiled at all the little kids gathered around her. I thought it was so sweet one little boy was just begging to hold her, and she was so tiny I kept telling him to wait and lets see what her mom said about that. Then thankfully he had to leave before the mom came to get the baby.

I spent some time with some friends and it was fun but sometimes people say the most embarrassing things. I do not understand why some people feel it is necessary to talk about certain things at someone else's expense.

Sometimes I get tired of talking to people. I am tired of saying things and then having someone talk over me or talk around what I just said or completely change or correct or whatever the things I said. I'm really not stupid. Sometimes I might say something weird, like use the wrong word, but it is so exhausting to have somebody not understand. Is it so unusual a talent to be able to make a leap in a conversation, so that a person would be able to surmise from the current discussion, that even if I say a wrong word, maybe that person would be able to deduce that I was indeed still talking about something in particular and hadn't I don't know. What am I saying? I do not know.

I am concerned that my middle child is too high strung. I don't know how to explain it. Like, he can't seem to settle down into a routine. He wants to fight about stuff. It's scary. I don't want to fuck him up. I mean, well, it won't be me that does it, but other people in his life seem hell bent on misinforming him which ends up causing unrest between us. Or he is hell bent on misunderstanding, or maybe he's just lying about things. I do not know. What do I know?

It seems to be getting warm finally here in Iowa.

I ate cheesy fries at Outback tonight and about 10 glasses of iced tea. I was supposed to call my mom back after I got off work at 5 and I got a firm voicemail reminding me about that, but some friends invited me to go eat at Outback, how could I say no? I had a baked sweet potato and some over-done steak. Nobody grills steak like J. We were there from 7-10 so I guess it was a good visit except for that weird part where someone kept bringing up the fact that I watched Charlie the Unicorn on YouTube and pointed out that "my" ringtone on her cell is some song I don't remember from the Charlie the Unicorn video? For some reason that bugs me. How does something like that haunt someone for the rest of their lives? Is there something about Charlie the Unicorn I just don't realize, that it is somehow amusing to bring it up at every conversation and every time the phone rings? Do I sound defensive?

I'm so tired.
Tired tired tired.