So I have not blogged for a long time and all my thoughts seem to get posted on Facebook which is fine I guess but I wonder if people think I'm oversharing. So in case that is true, I decided to go ahead and blog, to just get it out in the open. I'm. Definitely. Oversharing.
I think it's not oversharing. I'm just saying that. Because I like to tell stories. Also I'm lonely and I'll feel like I'm talking to people. Like you're the audience. I do have friends. I like my friends. But I need to be home and do things, it's not like I can go places all the time. I need to work out and shower and vacuum and run the wash and the dishwasher and direct the kids to remember to take out the garbage via text because they aren't here. Which makes me think that probably my friends are also home doing these things and it would be a bit much to expect company. How do people do that? I used to do that. When the boys were little I'd go to my friend's house while they went to their dad's. But then, I was lonely.
I wasn't intending that to be the theme of tonight. I'm not that lonely. I have people. If I wanted to I could call my sisters or anyone else in my family and talk with them, or text or message them or any of that.
So here's the story of the biscotti. I didn't have all the ingredients, so I just made coffeffe ...vanilla cinnamon...O I think they taste kind of bad. I need a better recipe.
On the 9th I took Art for a walk. If you don't already know, Art is my dog. Here's the back and the front of him.
The weather was amazing, on the 9th, we walked about 30 minutes and we were both tired because all we ever do is lounge. In fact he's lounging right now. But on the 10th I needed to rest because of my hip, and became restless. So I made biscotti. I found a recipe on the Pioneer Woman site. Don't get me started about how she is Not A Pioneer. Not at all.
Tonight we didn't walk outside because it's cold out and I decided to see how fast I could walk a mile. I was worried about my hip because it hurts from the walk on the 9th, but it was okay. I might have been able to walk faster if the hip wasn't so annoying. I walked an 18 minute 40 second mile. So now I'm going to start training to walk faster.
Something else I did today was go downtown to the courthouse and get a copy of my divorce decree. I think it's interesting to blog about that, because this blog began kind of as a therapeutic outlet for all the frustration and consternation experienced as part of obtaining said decree, and then the aftermath.
I look back in awe of all the work I did. I was non-stop introspectively planning and maintaining and attempting to become a better person or a better mother, or a what? Better at having relationships with people because I wasn't really a confident peopler. I didn't people very good. But maybe I'm still not so great at that. Once awkward, maybe always it's possible to fall back into that.
So today I looked at it, six dollars and fifty cents worth of copies from the courthouse, and the annoyance from the court over the stupidity of the case is palpable. I can take a handful of that annoyance and mold it into a grumpy face like clay in my mind. I read it and laughed to myself like I always do because I can tell how irritated the judge was about the nature of the disagreement. The disagreement clearly attempting to turn around a previously bargained for agreement. The judge further questions the whole agreement! It's so interesting to think how scared I was, how many threats and ominous words were said in order to scare me into thinking one way, when in reality it's obvious to the judge the opposite was true. At that time I don't think I felt how right I was. I was sick, my body was conjuring up an autoimmune disease. I was tired and foggy. I mean I knew I was right and what I wanted was so simple, but it feels good to read that even someone way smarter than I am, who really didn't have time to be deciding on something we should have just figured out for ourselves, could also see. It feels amazing to have tangible evidence of being on the high road.
But what I like the most is how I grew through that stage in my life, and became somebody I actually like, vs being someone scared and anxious and disbelieving. I had good reasons to feel worried, I had years of training to behave and agree, and keep the peace. Above all I wanted to keep the peace and do the right thing. I mean obviously, we're still here. I did a good job with what I had to work with.
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