November

November is nearly over and I am tired. I am sick. I have a gigantic bizarre sore spot under my nose, a well known spot for me, the thorough nose blower.

I have things to do, called reflections, where I think and write these thinks down, about my job as a teacher, and these things are due as part of assignments, where I do teacherly things such as write lesson plans. The lesson plans this time must be written using complex, time consuming templates. Templates I am assured by people who know more and have more experience than me, that I will probably never use this template again.

I have so many assignments due that I took down the decorations on the wall of my bedroom and put up dry erase boards.

I've been so sick for the past two weeks I feel like I'm living in a fog. I haven't even run a fever.

I feel like I am jumping through hoops while watching my children run by. I keep reminding myself it is all for the good of said children. I try to remind myself this is worthwhile. If nothing else I can substitute teach when this is done. Which may be the only option because 300 people applied for 25 teaching jobs in this town earlier this year.

I may not see the point of doing something I'll never again need or use. I may not see the value of paying a subscription to an online portfolio of technological type stuff, and then entering my information into this subscribed portfolio, and then eventually letting it lapse, and what then will become of my information? Why not do it better or different and in a useful way?

Doubt has fallen down around me like the forthcoming snow. Snow which will soon fall, making every single part of my life ten times more difficult. More work just to get anywhere, more painful just to walk to a car. More achy just because that is how I was blessed?

I seriously have no point. What did I set out to write here? Was I thankful? Because I can think of no other reason to blog, right now I will write what I'm thankful for.

1. I am thankful I have a friend who will come and take my children for the night when I have been lying in bed half dead (and alternatively so hopped up on cold meds that I can't sit down and rest).
2. I am thankful my sister and her family came up for Thanksgiving, which was probably the weirdest and mellowest holiday of my life, except for the ones I've spent by my self fast asleep. 
3. Little bitty girls are so cute.
4. I am thankful for the people who made the childhood holidays so perfect that now any deviation is bizarre.
5. I am thankful my children will be home Christmas Eve for my birthday. Even though I still have no idea what to do for my birthday. Should we play games? Should we dress up in matching PJ's and take portraits? Should we make dinner or go out?
6. I stretched a 4' x 3' canvas a few days ago. 
7. My fingernails are getting long because I do not actually work. And J. thinks my hands look pretty.
8. Skype 
9. Low quality video can make anyone beautiful. I am convinced.
10. I am grateful I did not have to work at 5 AM Black Friday.
11. I am grateful for my great big paper cutter.
    
    
    I should get back to work.