Sorry if this is too graphic. I'm not saying actual words but I'm sure I am able to convey a thought without using graphic terms. Also, yes I know it's not reptile. That's from a funny thing my Great Aunt said to my cousin, "What's this about reptile dysfunction? I didn't even know your father had a lizard!" The thought might horrify. But really, I don't think it matters. I'm sure you aren't offended because this isn't about you. And if it was about you, I would be kind and sympathetic and clinical, because nothing about human bodies offends me. So. If you are offended just get over yourself.
When we were at Mayo last summer the doc did discuss options with us that could work. The cause of our particular brand of reptile dysfunction is, during removal of the prostate, two bundles of nerves on either side of the prostate, nerves which control the area, so to speak, can be damaged, thus making a natural response impossible or significantly diminished. Pills currently have done absolutely nothing. But, there is a shot! A needle injection. Right to the ol' reptile. They discussed this with us. We sat in the office at Mayo before the surgery and they described various options. I immediately imagined having to administer the shot myself.
I was imagining myself with this needle and you know, I'm doing the mad scientist impersonation. My hair's all wild and I hold the gigantor syringe aloft to sight it through the glass, tick tick, tapping the bubbles up through the contents with my flicky finger. Giving it a teensy plunge on the plunger. The squirt of reptile enhancing elixir arches into the air and clears the needle of bubbles. Yeahno.
So I was sitting there beside J. on the expensively upholstered love seat, next to a wood desk across from the examining table as the straight-arrow unsmiling Dr. and various assistants discussing these options with us. The docs stepped out of the room and the two of us discussed the options more, of course, because that's the topic of the day/week/month, what if it doesn't work anymore after the surgery? What then? Pills? Implant? Injections???
So we looked at each other and I think he grimaced a little as we thought about this injection option. I, of course, with all this photo realistic imagery and actual motion-picture film footage of what it would be like injecting the injection into the injection site, all this is racing through my brain, wise-cracked out loud, "Oh well that's sexy."
Which of course became the refrain of the entire adventure.
Us last night. In the background Missy Raines plays stand up bass.
Go see her if you get the chance! She's in the Madison area today, Cedar Rapids tomorrow!
http://missyraines.com/
.
4 comments:
Okay, so I don't know a thing about this stuff--you'd have to do the injection every time? And while that may be a pain (in more ways than one), is it any different than what we have put our private parts through with childbirth? Episiotomy came to me quickly. And at what point do you just block out the medical portion of your interlude and move ahead? I think it can be done--he just has to be willing to "play doctor" beforehand.
I dunno, I think a sexy nurse's outfit might get some miles, you know? You do whatcha gotta do, you know?
Hope you figure it out. You aren't the first and you certainly aren't the last couple to face this, I'm sure. Hey, at least they have something, right?
Ooh, yeah the sexy nurse would totally be the way to go!!
And yes, every time! There are other options too. He's thinking implant.
Ain't gonna be no needle to my dick... owwwwwwwwww.
Sexxy nurse in Jimmy Choos!
Post a Comment