In other news I noticed emotional eating seems to have taken control tonight. I ate 2, no 4, no, was it really 6 small toasted flour tortillas with honey. They're only 77 calories each, I noticed, when the fifth and sixth were going in the toaster. And the honey is all grainy and it tastes pretty good with these particular tortillas ... these things puff up in the toaster and yum. I should not do that. Especially good with butter. Just a tiny dot of butter. And eaten mindlessly while taking in some crafty ideas. Alone. For the first time in a long time. Is that why I'm eating? Not really.
I kept track Saturday and the day before with a food diary. Then one of the boys contributed to my cause by giving up one of his many many little notebooks. In theory I was going to write down food in the notebook today. Instead I went to a meeting or an in-service or a teacher development thingy. I got Pho for lunch which realistically is not that bad except probably the sodium content. Even considering I have no clue as to the fat content of tripe or tendon. I ate three smallish squares of rice crispies treat with some sort of brown and chocolatey topping. I had 2 Kashi waffles which were really ok, and a light Activia yogurt. Oh and he has to fast and only eat clear liquids for a procedure tomorrow, so I took a few swigs of his bottle of some kind of light Trop50 apple juice stuff? Not too bad. And I didn't have a 7Up or any Jello. Then I got home and sort of napped. My thyroid situation is so annoying, J. can tell. I am anxious when someone else is driving. I am sleepish.
Nevermind that I actually admitted weakness, I went against my usual standard of never ever admitting when I'm upset annoyed crabby or whatever, and stated I felt crabby just before the Superbowl, which evidently has branded me as crabby everafter. I don't know. Right now I think he's the one that's crabby. I'm thinking I'm my usual delightful self but now what? I say once I'm crabby (mainly because I'm not metabolizing beer well, I had one beer and could tell now is not the time to drink!) and the wolves close in and nip at my Achilles and my jugular? Anyway he's crabby. I think it's him. I think the boys acted the way I expected at J's friend's Superbowl Watch Thingy, and not the way he expected, and I was too spaced out with negative thyroid function and a beer to actively rein them in very much (Ok, and by the way it wasn't ME that said the kids could play with the pinball machine during the game!! I'm not totally wrong here. Yes, my kids are active and no, they probably will not just sit still and do nothing quietly for two, three, however many hours. Next time I know better than to go into that type of situation. I refuse to beat myself up over this. Next time we will just stay home and he can go watch football. Problem solved. Anyway I just went because I like hanging out with his friend's wife.)
Are people allowed to be crabby? I know it's because I'm anxious that this thyroid situation is going to be tedious to get fixed. I was doing so great on my dosage, and now I will need to start over, and they can't see me till the end of the month. And by the end of the month will I be in a coma-like stupor? And How Will I Student Teach. And I'm all at fault for not wanting to take care of this earlier. I should have just done it and not worried about where the money would come from. Is that a sin? Pride or whatever, in not wanting to ask other people to do certain things like loan/give/whatever large amounts of money to fund my insurance free health problems? Or not wanting to actually do that thing where I call the health unit, or community health place thingy? I mean seriously How many different times must a woman completely swallow all of her pride and ask for things which really she does need but why can't she just get them on her own? Why am I in this situation? I can't blame anyone but myself. I have no problem picking pennies off the ground. But I find them less and less these days.
Oh and I ate some popcorn, which is air popped so that's not so bad. Really I feel a little ill from the realization I ate all those Dove Chocoltes, but that must be the only thing I shouldn't have had.
Oh well my SnowLady loves me. I think I will go to bed.
1 comment:
Oh, too much guilt over all this eating. Why not stock up on healthy treats and you won't beat yourself up over it? Don't be so hard on yourself, pally!
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